A confession... I need help with my ice cream consumption.
No, I’m definitely not asking for your help in eating my ice cream, and actually, if you attempted to do so you might lose a digit, if not an entire limb. Rather, my situation comes down to the strategy AROUND my ice cream consumption.
You see, my ice cream of preference comes in pint form. Not the slimmed-down, 14-ounce version that’s 'sold' as a pint (but really isn’t)... we're talking the FULL 16-ounces, a size that for me is at the same time too much.... and not nearly enough.
Know what I mean?
I’ll just come out and say it... I am fairly addicted to Ben & Jerry’s ‘Phish Food’. I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about it, and simply can’t understand how it can only rank as #7 in the most recent poll of their top-10 flavors. But, I digress... that’s another column, for another day.
Here’s my dilemma. I try to limit my consumption of said ice cream to once (OK, maybe twice) a weekend, preferably on Saturday nights, an event I look forward to ALL WEEK. My fear is that if I give in to my desire for Phish Food on other nights during the week, very soon I’ll end up a ‘Chunky Monkey’ (see what I did there! SO clever.).
In a PERFECT world, I would eat half the pint on Saturday night, and the other half the following evening. But while this strategy seems sound on the surface I’ve found it to be ‘Half Baked’ (somebody stop me!), and here lies the conundrum. If I stop at half a pint I feel like I haven’t had nearly enough, and I don’t fully enjoy the experience (and enjoyment is what the ice cream experience is all about). Then, when I consume the other half the next night, any glee I feel when opening the freezer and seeing my now half-pint is tempered by that all-too familiar feeling of dissatisfaction that.comes with only eating... yep, a half-pint.
The obvious solution would appear to be to consume the entire pint in one sitting, but that just seems .. I don’t know… a bit.. gluttonous?
You may believe I’m overthinking this... and I probably am... but I just want to enjoy my Phish Food (or Chocolate Fudge Brownie or The Tonight Dough!) without feeling guilty, or like I’m not doing it right. I guess when it comes down to it I just want to live the ‘Americone Dream’! (Goodnight everybody! Thanks for coming, and don’t forget to tip your waiters and waitresses on your way out…)