NEW YORK - Randy Moss isn't happy the Minnesota Vikings gave his old No. 84 to rookie Cordarrelle Patterson and he's here to talk about it in the third person.
"That's disrespectful to give a rookie my number," Moss, a new Fox studio analyst, said on Sunday. "I don't really believe in numbers but from a professional standpoint, I did make that number. He hasn't proven anything yet but hey what can I say? I'm just Randy Moss sitting here in the studio."
Man, that quote oozes with excellence and begs to be broken down sentence-by-sentence.
"That's disrespectful to give a rookie my number."
Is it? Patterson is a highly-touted rookie receiver. To give him Moss's number is more of a compliment than a dis. What would have been disrespectful if the Vikings had given the number to one of the receivers Patterson was drafted to replace. Giving it to Jerome Simpson: That's disrespectful. Also, Patterson wore No. 84 in college. And other Vikings have worn the number since Moss left in 2004. And Cordarrelle Patterson dresses like this. #teamcordarrelle
"I don't really believe in numbers ..."
They're not like the Easter Bunny, Randy. And if he's anti-number, how does he count all his straight cash, homey?
"... but from a professional standpoint, I did make that number."
Is Randy Moss saying he invented 84, like it didn't exist before he came around and the number line just went from 83 to 85? And if he doesn't believe in numbers, how could he have created one? That'd be like Alexander Graham Bell saying he doesn't believe in telephones.
"He hasn't proven anything yet but hey what can I say?'
A lot, evidently.
"I'm just Randy Moss sitting here in the studio."
Let's hope this becomes Moss's Fox signature catchphrase - his equivalent of "good night and good luck" or "and that's the way it is."
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