GOLDEN VALLEY, Minn. — Sunday night, a terrible thing happened to a family in Wisconsin. Somehow, a two-year-old child got out of the house, and when police located the little girl, she had drowned in a nearby river.
Gut-wrenching.
The first thing I thought was, "Dear God, that poor family." But, when I read the story online, I noticed that some commenters were instead blaming the parents for this unthinkable tragedy.
What?
As a parent myself, I know just two things. One: I don’t know everything. Two: neither does anyone else.
So, I sat down with author, podcaster, mother and all-around open book Nora McInerny to talk about we've become a bunch of parent-shamers.
Nora McInerny: "I know very few, if any people, who have a child, and are like, 'Wow, I know exactly what I'm doing at all times. I can't think of an easier job than raising another human being,' It's actually way harder than it looks.”
Rena Sarigianopoulos: "What makes us think that we've got it all figured out and we have the right to judge someone else for how they're parenting?"
Nora: "We've never before, in the course of human history, been able to observe a stranger parent in more direct ways. On Instagram, you can see pretty much exactly the kind of parent I am, but you're seeing a very small amount of that.
"But also, now we have comments. I truly don't believe we bring our best selves to the internet.
"I think the impulse to judge another mom, especially on the real, real small things, like oh, oh, she's not potty trained? Still taking a bottle at age three? It's kind of a way of defending our own position, which does not need defending. It really doesn't.
"People like to be right. So, if you can see somebody else doing what you think is a worse job, it does maybe reinforce your own sense that you're doing the hardest job in the world correctly, or that you're doing a good job at it.
“We do the best we can with what we have in the moment, and when we forget that, that's when we turn on each other. It's really hard."
Rena: "So let's just stop.”
Nora: “Let's just stop. I think you're a really good mom."
Rena: “You're such a good mom too!”
Nora: “I'm the world's best mom to my kids. And that's all I need to be."