Readers, we are honored and privileged to bring you the single greatest piece of news you've heard in your entire life.
A study out of the University of California-Irvine has revealed that consumption of moderate amounts of alcohol and coffee is linked to living a longer life.
Re-read that last sentence. There are no typos. There are no jokes.
The key word is "moderate," of course. The study, called "The 90+ Study," started in 2003 and examined "the oldest-old" age group - about 1,700 nonagenarians - to determine what is key to living to your 90th birthday and beyond.
The study has found, among other things, that people "who drank moderate amounts of alcohol or coffee lived longer than those who abstained," and that "people who were overweight in their 70s lived longer than normal or underweight people did."
“I have no explanation for it, but I do firmly believe that modest drinking improves longevity,” Dr. Claudia Kawas, a key researcher for the study, recently said at the American Association for the Advancement of Science conference in Austin, according to the Independent.
The research found that subjects who drank two glasses of beer or wine every day decreased their chances at a premature death by 18%, and those who drank two cups of coffee a day decreased their chances by 10%.
But don't go planning your happy hours just yet - you should still exercise! This same research found regular exercise - as well as keeping busy with a regular hobby - is also key to living a longer life.
So there you have it. Next time someone gives you grief about another trip to the coffee stand or unwinding after work with that nice glass of beer, tell them you just want to live a long, beautiful life.
(Please drink responsibly.)
Read more about "The 90+ Study" here.
Contact Brian Manzullo: firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter @BrianManzullo.